you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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