she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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