I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Your dad touched me again.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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