Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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