They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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