shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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