and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
