never play flip cup with pint glasses
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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