i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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