yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
