If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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