just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
