i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
