yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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