I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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