I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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