Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
