If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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