I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Welp...herpes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fill condoms, not promises.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
