Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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