I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
