its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
