this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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