nut hugger
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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