Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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