I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
