i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
