I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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