cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
