I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
