dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
