I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
