guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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