is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
