she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
