i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
