Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
