Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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