I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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