if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
