census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
