I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
