I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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