I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
