Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
