first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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