I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
