I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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