Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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