i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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