I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
