Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
