I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
