i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
