i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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