a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
