You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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