My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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