you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
