Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
