I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
