I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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