If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
