There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
