You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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