so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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